Note to criminals: When removing a kidney from Jean Claude Van Damme, know that you haven’t beaten him. You’ve only made him more aerodynamic. You’ve made him more light on his feet. You’ve only created a space that his body will automatically use for a greater range of roundhouse kicks. The leg raises, the innards shift, intestines flow in to the space formerly occupied by the absentee kidney allowing the leg to stretch even higher, and if you’re in the know about Van Damme, you know that his kicks are already pretty high and you’ve really created a problem for yourself now. Kidney-less kicks push the diamond gusseted crotch of his fight-pants to the limit, so thankfully Chuck Norris made sure those crotches are built to last despite the punishing conditions that exist in the crotch of an expert martial artist.
You haven’t won. You’ve signed your death warrant. That’s another Van Damme movie I think. Coincidence? I doubt it.
You picked the wrong Muay Thai kidney.
Go listen to the Videogres commentary for Pound of Flesh. You can download it from our blog, or Itunes. Your choice. On us.