Many years ago, a man named Sheldon Lettich walked in to the desert to have a vision quest. With the bitter taste of Peyote lingering in his mouth, he found a spot of shade near a an outcropping of rock, and sat down to meditate.
Over the course of that afternoon, the sun crawled across the sky, burning down on Sheldon, forcing every trace of spiritual impurity out through his pores. As darkness fell, he heard a lone wolf howling in the distance and opened his eyes. In the clear night sky, a spectral vision coalesced. A man. Two chairs. The man doing the splits between those two chairs.
As Sheldon watched, the spectral figure descended from the sky to sit and join him in his meditations.
“I am the Celestial Van Damme” the spectral figure said. “Why are you in my desert?”
“I’m a director, Mr. Spectral Van Damme,” Sheldon replied. “I’ve come for inspiration.”
“If it’s inspiration you want,” the Spectral Van Damme began. He never finished his thought. Moving like a viper, he threw a handful of gravel in Sheldon Lettich’s eyes and proceeded to assail the poor director’s face with a series of interlocked roundhouse kicks.
When Sheldon woke, Celestial Van Damme was standing over him. Sheldon’s eyes, clogged with dirt and swollen from roundhouse-kicks, allowed him to see only the blurriest outline of Van Damme’s figure as it split and doubled in his unfocused eyes.
“Take from this what you will,” Celestial Van Damme said, mounting a wolf the size of a Clydesdale and riding it into the stars.
The vision was clear. Sheldon Lettich ran all the way from the desert to Hollywood, then on across the ocean to Hong Kong, writing a script as he went. When he arrived, he made history by filming a movie with 200% the Van Damme of any movie that came before it.
Join the Videogres as we go on our own vision quest with Sheldon Lettich’s celestial Van Damme masterpiece, Double Impact.
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